Yeah...her vocals is amazing! So honoured to take photo with her.....she's inspirational to me. So is alvaro sanchez. =)

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Actually i wanted to blog about something else which slipped my mind earlier on. But i thought it was impt for me to reflect, look back and prepare myself for the future. So i'm doing it now.

It would be 3 years in church since i entered City Harvest back in the 2nd half of the year 2005. I remember YT reaching out to me for nearly 1 year. She really pressed in into my life. She challenged my convictions in the spiritual beliefs i had back then, which were either weak in foundation or wrong in concept.

She challenged me to live it out, not just talk the talk but walk the walk. If i say i want to love the Lord, if i say that i have passion in serving the house of God, then i must also be faithful to attend weekly church service AND cell group meetings. I was convicted. The Holy Spirit convicted my heart strongly in the area of commitment to the church i belong to. She always bring in the Holy Spirit into our conversation and discussion about spiritual issues. Time and again, the Holy Spirit led me to believe but it was over a period of time.

I would say that the whole journey to coming to know Christ as my savior and LORD was really supernatural. But little did i realize back then, that i was like a lost sheep trying to find its way to the right home. I was a sheep finding a home to be faithful and committed to. But i couldn't until i met YT and agreed to visit City Harvest.

On the first visit, because i was open to the move of God (yet i wasn't open to the controversial church called City Harvest), the moment i placed my feet and took my 1st step into the Jurong West B4 auditorium, my hair stood up all over my body. The spiritual atmosphere was undeniably strong. The place IS anointed. That time, they were having the pre-service prayer meeting.

This is why, i always believe in the power of pre-service prayer meetings. I will always make it a point to attend it up till now, although sometimes my flesh would fail me. =p Because i know that if the worship venue can have a strong spiritual atmosphere even before people stepping into it for service, we will be more ready to engage in the service, right from the beginning with praise. Including newcomers. And the newcomers will have a higher chance of responding to the altar call. =)

So after the first few visits, i began to be integrated into N119. It is made up of people from all walks of life, all personalities, all forms of attitudes, some not necessarily good....hahaha. But i understood the fact that all of us are imperfect. I learnt to love them despite being so different. Slowly, i built up friendship with them through fellowship although there was a time i could not stay to fellowship as my parents wanted me home immediately after church to study for A levels.

I then began to get involved in the Childrens Church ministry. i began reaching out actively, i began Bible Study which i always look forward to. I used to have it one-to-one with Yvonne, and i loved the way she taught me BS.

Then, I made the decision to quit Children's church to focus more on Cg under the advice of Victor. It was also a God-approved decision. But that was only the beginning of difficult times to come.

I had to learn to get out from my comfort zone from being a very faithful, loyal follower (which i've been good at all my life) to prepare myself to lead in future. Through Victor, i learnt what is truly leadership excellence. I really learnt a lot a lot from him. Not just leadership but also how to make myself more presentable to others, to build my inner confidence. He is a very wise discipler to me during that 1 year. I look up to him, and i always give my best to be accountable and to honour him the best i know how.

Despite given the 'golden' opportunity to do more for the Cg, i struggled a lot. I struggled with self-image. Lack of security in Christ. Lack of boldness. Feeling compelled to please everyone. Lack of spiritual intimacy with God. Unresolved family issues. Double standard Christian. I felt that i was all of the above at one point in time at my lowest. It took great courage for me to decide to carry on. But i did eventually, thanks to great encouragement from Victor and JJ. =)

But i also know that i wouldn't give up so easily because it is His plan for me to one day become a leader in the church for His glory. God wouldn't let me give up so easily even if i myself didn't have much faith in this vision. I was doubting it all the way. i wasn't sure if it was from God or i was just getting too passionate abt serving God. The calling was revealed just like a few months after i made the decision to be planted in City Harvest during my quiet time. Back then, i was a baby Christian, minimal biblical knowledge - only with a heart that wants to do so much more for God.

After 1 year and a few months, Victor challenged me to register for SOT in the year 2007. I was concerned financially and also if my parents are willing to let me attend SOT. Eventually, i did. God made a way with my parents. The 5 months in SOT was honeymoon with God, getting to know Him more in the Word and also in the Spirit.

From SOT onwards, I could feel myself growing steadily in the Lord in maturity. And in year 2008, i achieved my first breakthrough. I resolved the unresolved issues in my heart towards my family. I took the initiative to reconcile the relationship. I began to be more socially literate. I became bolder. I became more honest and open in the way i express myself to others. To me, it is big breakthru.

And of course, along the way i picked up my violin once again to use my God-given talents to serve in the orchestra ministry. I had lots of fun in it. I was also given the task from time to time to "take care" of the orchestra, and to be involved in a few impt discussions with regard to the direction and purpose of the ministry. I benefited quite a bit as i was given the chance to open my eyes to the real issues and the 'adult things'. Like applying for funding, liaising with different parties for different occasions, registering to become an official society in Singapore, etc.

And by then, N119 has already combined with W280. things have more or less changed. But i believe the change to be good. Cheryl is now my leader, and she's a great friend, confidante and my motivator. =) She's very wise, very mature in her thoughts. It's great to be able to tell her things and she would offer great suggestions to help me in that area.

And now, coming to a point when i am called to help with the youths thingy together with AL and Vic....I feel honoured, excited and challenged. Although at times i might have been more negative than i should, i always make sure i pull myself up together. i am still holding fast to my calling and i know that every step i take, i'm getting closer to my destination.

So that's the milestones i've laid over the past 3 years...looking back, it's quite a history! I know that from the day i was conceived in my mother's womb, i'm meant to do great things for God as i come into existence in this world. I've heard my mum tell me many times, how problematic her conception was especially the giving birth part. However, God appeared in her dreams while in coma to assure her and to guide her. I really believe my birth was very supernatural in a sense. Think of it as the devil trying to stop my mum from conceiving me, even at the very last moment of giving birth. So with that, i no longer want to be insecure and weak, because i'm definitely more than a conqueror. The fact that i'm living on Earth and my mum gave birth to me successfully against all odds, i think it's quite a feat. ;)

Okie. So now i'm ready to sleep. Nitey. No bad dreams i hope! =)

Labels: contemplative, daily rantings