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Monday, October 20, 2008
DEAL or NO DEAL? According to dictionary.com, "deal" = to be able to handle competently or successfully, or to take action with respect to a thing or person. There's a big difference between the dictionary's meaning and my definition of dealing. That's when I realized THAT's where my problem lies. I thought that by attempting to deal with issues, i've dealt with it. But i haven't really dealt with it at all! To say that I've dealt with something means that i've handled something competently or successfully, which obviously wasn't the case for me. I was in fact living with issues that i've failed to deal properly, co-existing with them instead. And it always come to a point when you either deal with your problems, or your problems come and deal with you. Fri cg was the turning point in all these. God was teaching me a lesson. For a few days I felt like God abandoned me...it's like His glory left my life. No matter how much time I spent trying to enter into His presence, it was in vain. I was just wasting my time. I was very perturbed and I couldn't take it that God is totally ignoring my cry. I threw questions at God. Is this really my calling? If it is, why am I where I am today? Why isn't the things I lay my hands upon flourishing like it should be? Why do you left me to wither and die if this is a calling that YOU have given me? I said all that in my heart obviously hoping to elicit some response from God at the very least. Although I eventually gave up doing that, there's one thing that I couldn't make uncertain no matter how much i question it. and that's God's calling. Whenever I asked God in desperation about the reality of my calling, I am always strangely assured. It is like a solid rock that no one and not even the devil can move away. That kind of feeling remains the same since 3 years ago when I was just a newbie in church....then I was reminded of Romans 11:29, where it says "For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable." With that, I carried on with life as normally as possible altho i felt super empty on the inside. But then came a point when I decided to randomly do something about my studies and to just stop procrastination and being lazy. I did something that I've never done for a long long long time since JC days, and that is mugging REALLY hard for the past few days. After which, I realize that this was the lesson that God is trying to teach me! God wants me to awaken the mugging giant in me, because I ever did make a covenant with God that I really want to see a transformation in my studies, become a testimony for the glory of God. And to see it coming to past, I must really give it my all, which I hadn't been willing to do..deep deep deep down inside of me. So I realize that when I set my heart to mug, I can be very scary. The reason I believe God chose to teach me a lesson in this manner is two-fold (sorry, a Thinker at work here again) : 1) If I say that I want to glorify God, then that includes my studies as well. What's the point of having an impeccable record in church commitments when I'm not able to shine for Jesus outside the 4 walls? 2) If I made a commitment, make sure I KEEP IT. God remembers and takes my commitment very seriously. In short, God wants me to know that when I do well in my studies, I am doing it for God's sake and not just myself. So it is also a calling at this point as a student. If I do well, God gets glorified. The bible says in Ephesians 4:22-24, 'put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness.' This is the rhema I received....I believe it shall serve as a constant reminder to me. Deal or no deal??? Labels: revelation 12:58 AM
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