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Wednesday, October 1, 2008
The Reason I realize why I have the tendency to keep 2 blogs. To me, a blog is a place that should allow me to 1) Express my innermost thoughts (both positive and negative) 2) Allow my friends to read those thoughts and catch up with what's happening in my life 3) Connect with acquaintances 4) Encourage and influence others through sharing of valuable daily experiences or thoughts on issues But I recently realized that it's not possible to fulfill them all. At least I feel now that it's extremely idealistic. I feel responsible for what I convey to others. I can't bear the thought that someone is reading something hugely depressing from my blog. I mean, it's not possible for me to be forever cheerful, inspired, optimistic, smiling. When I meet challenges, I get depressed too. So to me, blogging helps. Yet, I won't have a place to release those negative emotions if I don't blog about it just because I want to moderate the kind of influence I have on others. The last thing I'd hope for is to stumble others and pulling them along into the pit of negativity. Having myself in that state is bad enough, there's no need to compel others to join me. It's totally unhealthy. and I personally believe that while it's easy to influence, it's even easier to be influenced by the wrong spirit. Thus, the moment I want to blog 'it' out, there will be a tendency for me to create another space somewhere else that is more 'private' in a sense. A place that fewer people will know about and look at. To me, that's a solution (or a compromise) to fulfill the 4 listed objectives of having put up a blog (2 blogs, to be exact). But even then, I still feel that there's a certain limit as to how much should be revealed in that 'private' blog, which access I allow to few closer friends. Humans are humans. We are all entitled to personal opinions and I respect that. But the last thing I'd want to see is to have immaturity come into play. Face it. We have immaturities in one area or another. Closer friends or further friends alike. I can't be assured that everyone who read my blogs can catch the heart behind my words. And I cannot bear the risk of someone who might not have the depth - YET - to understand what I'm going through. This is where I began to realize that blogging is such a terrible irony. Blogs are meant to connect people (consider the effect of placing yourself in the worldwide web), but sometimes we rather keep the blogs a secret and make it some sort of secret diary. To put it simply, the rationale of keeping 2 blogs has a lot to do with me putting myself in the shoes of my readers. It's my way of caring for the welfare of my readers, who are mostly personal friends. Just that now I'm going one step further - to make my 2nd blog really private. To me, I love sharing with people my daily encounters especially if it's something funny, fascinating or exciting. When I can't do that in real life, all the more I will think of sharing in my blog. I also love sharing my thoughts with my readers, for them to think about something that I feel is worth thinking about. Just that when it comes to sharing something totally unedifying, un-valuable and useless for that person, I'm cautious. I'll stop short of doing that. And this is who I am. I'm proud of myself that I actually manage to express my thoughts clearly on this one. It took a long time...but I think it's worth it just to help me learn how to voice out and straighten out a little part of my 1001 thoughts. But having said all that, I want to assure others and myself that blogging (both public and private) HELPS me. This means that 1) While I may complain and whine and talk about negative emotions and thoughts in my blog, even dwelling on them at times, it's never a platform for self-pity. You can have faith in me that I'm asking for help somewhere else in real life. God. My spiritual leaders. My parents. Or just someone I know I can really, really, really trust for that particular situation. Part of my maturity belong to this category. ;) 2) While I am keeping two blogs, it's not an act out of hypocrisy or the desire to control how others look at me. Please believe that it's nothing along that line. If after reading the above you are still in great doubt, then all I can say is that I'm sorry. I'm sorry that your doubting shows all the more that my decision to keep the second blog private is the right thing to do. 8:03 PM
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