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Saturday, February 28, 2009
The spirit of Job - paradigm shift I have been thinking about this question: What if...one day you realize all the things you have taken pride in has disappeared? For my case, what if one day I no longer am capable to play the piano, violin, guitar, flute, I no longer have any sense of music, I am not as smart as I am today to go Uni, I don't have anything outstanding physically(right now I really like my nose, hair, long legs and height muahaha), I don't live in such a blessed family environment? What happens? Will my whole world crash? Pause. When everything you take pride in has been stripped away, what is left of you? Is there anything still valuable about you that still makes you love yourself? ..... Those things made me ME. How could I survive if they are stripped away? This was my initial response. I couldn't imagine how hard it would be to accept my fate when one day I get into a car accident and lose a limb...I can no longer walk properly or play musical instruments. But I begin to realize there's something wrong in this response. It's just not right. There's something out of balance, to be giving up on life just when those things got stripped away. It's just not biblical. And I began to realize those things does not necessarily make me ME. They are simply my "outer skin". If they are stripped away, my value in God doesn't change at all! Rather, God has everything in control. And as a Christian, I gotta have faith in that. God is bigger than any talent, gift, ability, situation, tragedy that has been given or has happened. Which is so true. But we sometimes miss that perspective because our minds cannot conceive the things of the Lord. And I believe that is God's message through the book of Job. :) Let's put our faith and self-worth in the right things in life!!! Today - CCC Labels: contemplative, revelation 9:26 PM
Friday, February 27, 2009
SWELTERING + Love language I got lost on my way to find Joanne's workplace to have lunch with her. Hahaha. But now I know how to walk there already. It was like super hot! Goodness. And it's quite a long walk from the mrt station. Anyway we were briefly on the topic of love language. After having her mee soto and my malay veg rice with ACHAR YUM YUM YUM. Me realized our love languages are quite different. Maybe even opposite. But anyway just wanna thank her (or you if you r reading this) for still making me your friend and sister. :) I think that's the wonderful part about knowing each other's love language. It is not to tell others our love language so that we can expect others to meet our needs. Rather, we want to know about others' love language so that we can meet that person's needs...and in turn that person tries to meet ours. Who says love is only constrained to married couples or courting couples? Love is everywhere. It is found in giving and sacrificing. We should show it to friends that we care about as well. Labels: daily rantings 3:32 PM
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Upholding what is right Happy happy happy. Helped Victor did something and it paid off! No corrections needed. YEAH! Sigh. but I did something wrong today....must repent and confess and not do it again, no matter how difficult the situation is to uphold righteouness. I find that beginning this week, God is dealing with this part of me that has the habit of taking shortcuts when given a choice. Sometimes, the shortcuts are not always morally correct. And I must be wise to decide whether the shortcut should be taken or not. For example, I was doing my research yesterday in the library. We have to fill in a declaration form to say that we are photocopying previous students' dissertations but will not plaigarize past students' work. The form had to be submitted only AFTER we photocopied, together when we return the students' dissertation. It was so easy to just hide the photocopied materials in the bag, pretending that we didn't photocopy at all. This can save my time and effort from filling up the form and submitting it to the librarians. I was thinking at the back of my mind whether I should bother about filling up the form, while I was working on my research. In the end, I decided to do what is right. Having done that, it did make me feel better. I know...most people wouldn't even bother to contemplate on such trivial matters. But I believe Heaven knows, Earth knows. Conscience lah. Labels: contemplative, daily rantings 4:24 PM
Tired Just managed to finish my powerpoint work.....Super sleepy...I wonder how am I going to survive today........ Been bitten 1001 times by at least 3 mosquitoes...cos I killed 3 of them. I haven't bathed!!!! ARGH. Labels: daily rantings 5:52 AM
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Completed "The Prince of Tennis" drama  This is SO GOOD. I really cried towards the last episode. It is as though I'm celebrating the victory together with the characters at the climax of the drama. From episode 1 till 22, it is extremely evident how each character grew to care for one another and put aside differences. Amazing stuff. I'm so gonna purchase the drama! After bf is over..... Attitude determines altitude! Labels: daily rantings, information 2:24 AM
Monday, February 23, 2009
My collection of Christian resources Collection of Books God and the Ancient Chinese God's promise to the Chinese Making Connections that Work - A biblical guide to building and maintaining godly rnshps Art of Distinction (Robb Thompson) The Ultimate Reference Guide to Increase(Robb Thompson) Anointed for Business (Ed Silvoso) The power of simple prayer (Joyce Meyer) Moving in the spirit (Phil Pringle) Jesse, found in Heaven (Chris Pringle) Good Morning, Holy Spirit (Benny Hinn) The Anointing (Benny Hinn) Happiness is... (AR Bernard) Becoming a contagious Christian (Bill Hybels/Mark Mittelberg) The power of a Praying Woman (Stormie Omartian) Collection of CDs This is our God, Hillsong Live CD + DVD (2008) Jesus Is, Hillsong London CD+DVD (2006) United We Stand, Hillsong United CD+DVD (2006) Pick it Up, Planetshakers CD (2006) Roadmaps and Revelations, Parachute Band (2007) Better Days, Sidney Mohede (2008) Captivated, True Worshippers (2007) For Your Glory, CCC aka C3 (CD + DVD) Presence, CCC Live DVD (2005) Sari 31:31 (2006) Hiding Place Platinum Edition, Don Moen (2007) Light of the City, CHC (2008) Breakaway, CHC (2007) Cross, CHC (2005) He Reigns, Newsboys (2005) Collection of Sermon mp3 Why Tongues? CD (Kong Hee) Growing Spiritually at work CD (Kong Hee) Jesus and the DaVinci Code CD (Mark Conner) Driven By Eternity 6CDs (John Bevere) Treasure in Earthen Vessel & Spiritual Disciplines 2CDs (AR Bernard) Empowered Living CD 1. Intimacy with the Holy Spirit 2. Your redemptive value in God 3. Reputation - The revelation of your life's capital (AR Bernard) Chasing Donkeys, Business breakthru series CD (AR Bernard) 5 Common Qualities of successful people, Business breakthru series CD (AR Bernard) Fivefold Ministry - Pitfalls of the 5fold ministry 2CDs (Kong Hee) Leadership Conference part I with Phil Pringle 6CDs Leadership Conference part II with Phil Pringle 6CDs If anyone is interested in borrowing, please let me know. To care is to share. Hehheh. But please take good care of my materials! Labels: information 5:36 PM
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Online streamed videos I watch I realized the past 2 weeks i haven't been spending alot of time at home. I haven't seen my brother for ages, cos he also has his own recreational companions that are hanging out more frequently recently. And it's like super weird cos I used to see him at home most of the time. In the past. He's been out very often lately which reminds me that I have been out very frequently too. Hmm. Need to spend family time during my mid term break this week. I've been catching drama and anime online weekly for the past 2 months. They are skip beat!, Boys over Flowers (Korean version of Meteor Garden), and The Prince of Tennis (Mainland real life drama). I reduced my TV time to zero. I'm now living in the online streaming world... I'm very impressed by the Chinese version of the Jap anime, Prince of Tennis. Many times, Taiwanese/Jap/Korea dramas do become too romancy. It's not always believable, and I always find them too exaggerated in their acting or story plot. The Chinese version (predictably regulated by the Chinese film censorship to ensure healthy content) has indeed benefitted because of the censorship. The part about romance is kept to the minimum, and the emphasis is placed on seeing the tennis team build their team spirit and growing stronger. It's so believable because China is known to be a country of sports excellence, and tennis is one sport that they are currently striving to excel in. Great show! Love the hunks in Boys over Flowers...HAHA. And the level of exquisite detail placed on the props and settings. But other than that, I still prefer the Taiwan version of Meteor Garden. They have good actors and actresses, not just good looking but also the best acting among the Korea, Jap and Taiwanese versions. Okie doke. Really tired. Going to try to sleep earlier today... Labels: daily rantings, information 10:13 PM
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Transparency + Accountability I didn't want to clump up everything in one post. Too lengthy to read. Haha. After meeting up with Jing Yi, Ally, Charm, Adeline and Joan for lunch at Serangoon Gardens, Joan and myself went over to slack at amk hub's MOS burger while she drinks her fave Mos Burger Iced Milk Tea. Which she won't get to drink over at Brisbane! Haha... I was really surprised that the hawkers in S gardens speak English to customers, although I gave them my orders in Mandarin! Lol. Anyways.  I really thank God for close friends that stuck with me from primary school until now. Ally, Charm, Joan...they are friends that some can only dream of having. I asked God for godly friends, and all of them are my godly friends. :)
I love Joan's camera. Resolution is great. .... Well. I wanted to talk about transparency and accountability in this post right? :P I wanted to talk about this because it is something that is so difficult for most of us. I can safely say that most of my friends and including myself used to be emotionally shut down or still are. It's nothing shameful, it happens because socio-culturally that has been nurtured in us, intentionally or unintentionally. But Joan is someone entirely the opposite. She is an open book to her good friends, and she is someone who really believes in being accountable. I really admire you Joan (if you are reading this) because you have the ability to spell out your thoughts, analyze situations against what is right or wrong, and to ultimately do what is right. Joan includes her close friends in the entire process of reasoning a thought/action/situation. That's something I want to learn from her. And i've been trying to do. Haha. It's no wonder she's a law student. She reasons like she's in a debate or smth. Haha! I am what I am today because my friends had a great part to play in my life, especially those that literally grew up with me. And that's why we find ourselves so similar to each other in the things we deal with, the way we think and reason. I'm very blessed to have them as my wise counsels. Labels: contemplative, daily rantings 5:40 PM
Reflections: Quality time Yet AGAIN! I spent quality time again! #5 person: Joanie. :D If you are wondering what in the world is this big deal about me spending quality time, it is because it is no mean feat by my past standards. I am breaking through. PTL! Over the past week of spending quality time with 5 friends, I learnt that it only occurs when I am open to share about my own weakness, thoughts and failures. In the past, I do alot of self-censorship when I spend time with friends. Maybe I had good intentions at heart, and that time I believed I was doing right. That's why I tend to self-censor. But deep down, I know it was also because of my lack of courage to share about past incidents that had me done the wrong things and choices. Most of the time, I let the other party do the talking because I thought that that was what my friends wanted. But now thinking back, it's not wrong still...just that as a listening ear, it will also be helpful to "tell" them what they need - what is helpful for them to cope with their situation. My friends may want a listening ear, but more than that we need someone to convince us to work towards solving that problem, not just talking problems after problems. And to do that, we gotta realize that we are only as convincing as our personal experiences...be it past hurts, past failures, past wrong decisions. But as we share our side of the story, there is tremendous power of encouragement and motivation to overcome whatever there is. That's the lesson I've learnt so far. :) But ultimately, I still need time alone.....as an introvert. I get my energy to spend quality time with others by spending enough time with myself first. Haha. :) ..... Joan's heading back Australia this coming Wed....will miss her until she comes back again in December. Labels: contemplative, revelation 4:53 PM
Friday, February 20, 2009
201st post Woohoo. Hit 200th post on the previous one. Now it's 201st. Impressive. AGAIN! I spent quality time again! #4 person: Miaomiao. :) Hey if you are reading this, I just wanna say that I had been asking God for godly friends like you did too! and I'm glad to have found you and princess in church! :o) You guys are such a blessing to me. Can't wait to share my heart out with you somemore. Hahaha. Time is always not on our side. It was such a great time...although it's supposed to be a sisters' outing but eventually just 'us', I didn't feel that we met out in vain. :) Adultery! Hahahaa! Ok censored stuff. =X I just want to thank God because He is showing me a lesson to learn from. I decided to change a part of me, put down the wrong mindset and be set free. And indeed, this led me to be able to minister AND be ministered by 4 people, just this week alone. It's something I'd never dream of coming to pass in the past, because I did not make the decision to do what is right in the past. I can feel God leading me to somewhere...He has a statement to make, He has something to say to me. Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will keep on walking through the valley. And by now, I manage to see a dim light showing me the way out. I'm feeling very encouraged now. :) Now that I've spent quality time with 4 friends, it's now time to spend it with God. :) Labels: daily rantings 1:18 AM
Thursday, February 19, 2009
The Inconvenient Truth + Compassion I had alot of things I wanted to blog over the past few days but didn't get a chance to. Now that i've got time in my hands, I can't remember those things!!! How bad is my memory tell me about it. Ok. well, two of the things I wanna blog about is about Al Gore's Inconvenient Truth, and the need to put my compassion for the down and out into action. The documentary movie "The Inconvenient Truth" sheds light as to the link between politics and the environment. With major superpowers like the US and China neglecting towards Mother Earth for past decades isn't helping the world we live in get better. Maybe economically, yes indeed. But if we look at the bigger picture, if we don't take care of our Earth, even if you're the richest man on earth you still cannot resist the forces of nature with your paper money. Or your gold bars, for that matter. It's just so silly how some people can have great foresight in financial investments, but when it comes to our environment, they are so short sighted. The good thing as revealed from the movie is that at least cities in US and China are gradually opening up to acknowledge the negative impacts of global warming and act upon it. It's still not too late. We are only qualified to talk about money if we treat our Earth well. There are some things money can't buy - in this case, it will be the amiability of Nature towards us humans. That movie was produced in 2006. I have heard of this documentary, just like Farenheit 9-11. But i never took it seriously until I watched it on Tuesday. And it impacted me big time, although it was a bit lengthy and boring cos of the facts and figures overload. Haha. I remember how I wanted to become an environmentalist when I was in Primary school. But as I grew up it started to die on me. I started throwing away papers that are printed on 1 side of the page only, when I could have used the other side for printing own notes or rough workings. And I started to give up sourcing for ozone friendly liquid papers, cos it's too inconvenient to do that. I also gave up throwing away reusable waste into the proper recycling bins, cos it became too inconvenient to deliberately search for one. Inconvenience. Alot of times because of this word 'inconvenience' we fail to do what is right and beneficial. That's the conclusion I reached after viewing the documentary. The fact that if we carry on trying to get rich globally by exploiting Earth, that the Earth's system will actually breakdown - is too inconvenient a truth for those who are greedy to accumulate large wealth in their lifetime. However, this principle is not just constrained within this topic of environment, but in other things in our lives as well. What are those things in our lives that we know is right to do, but we don't do it because of inconvenience? Gotta self-check too. Anyway, on to the second topic about putting my compassion for the unfortunate in action. I was glad that Pastor Tan shared with us his vision for the church towards the down and out. He hopes that one day, every person in church is voluntarily attached to a friendship with one handicapped/disabled/poor person in our community to serve him or her. He also shared about the potential influence schools can make to their communities within 1km of their radius. I thought that is ingenius. Well, God's ideas are always the best right? :p The point is that I'm so happy Pastor shared this openly on Tuesday meeting, because it is exactly what I hoped for myself and my peers in church. Sometimes we can be busy doing the 'right' things in/out of church, that we forget the basic message from the Bible - to love our neighbour as ourselves. And sometimes I felt like I'm a hypocrite, because we are told to strive to become the humblest and the lowest of all as Christians. But do we become humble and low (i'm not saying servile here, but the attitude of a servant) just by keeping ourselves busy in ministry and church? I felt that something is very wrong here. As such, I decided to sign up with a voluntary organization and commit myself twice a year to do voluntary work - at least for a start. That was before Pst shared his heart. =) I hope that will increase over the years, as I truly develop compassion for the down and out. And I also intend to encourage my friends to do the same, then we can do voluntary work together. Isn't that wonderful? Labels: contemplative, revelation 11:11 AM
Joo Koon MRT Station + Quality Time When I was waiting for the mrt train at Clementi station, I was so shocked to see something other than 'To Boon Lay'. Guess what? Joo Koon! No i wasn't dreaming. It is really Joo Koon. Sounds like a person's name. But I think it's nearer to JW church if we take to Pioneer mrt station rather than BL, which is in between BL and JK. Haha. More convenient? Perhaps. Had a great time hanging out with my buddy and 'wife'...I just can't believe you were that innocent when you were young! LOL. But cute lar. I should try drawing worms and paste on my window someday. Maybe I can catch a low IQ bird. AHahahah~! Which reminds me that I have been spending quality time with THREE people this week so far! That's amazing! I haven't spent quality time with so many people for a loooong time! But in everything, there are consequences........sigh. Most probably have to spend next week home rather than outside. AND, this is a bit belated, but Yoshi and Vivian, my SOT classmates, are getting maried in 2 weeks' time! Their romance have been kept strong and I really admire their courage and determination to stay together, no matter how difficult their situation may seem. Next, my great buddies JJ and Elly are engaged now! Proposed on Valentine's Day how cool is that! In future can kill 2 birds with 1 stone...no bad at all! My turn is coming up! I'm proclaiming by faith. Muahaha. Labels: daily rantings 12:20 AM
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Heavy butt My butt is stuck to the library computer chair............ But i shall move it!!! I'm supposed to be here in the library to collect the loaned books i reserved and then photocopy them for research materials. Sigh. The thought of standing for hours in the photocopy room irks me. And i'm feeling super sleepy now after a superb lunch at megabites - $3.90 for a set of chicken chop + chicken soup!! Yummy too. Very worth it. Ok i shall not slack anymore..... Labels: daily rantings 1:22 PM
Meeting Friends Recently have been enjoying quality time with my friends. Today I just had late dinner with a friend I haven't seen for like half a year! Really glad to see her enjoy sharing and talking. I think her workoholic lifestyle had deprived her from leisure for a long period of time. Which is quite sad. But she's a tough lady, a diamond in the rough. :) Must learn from her! Haha. Feeling good. :) Labels: daily rantings 12:17 AM
Monday, February 16, 2009
still awake + relationship seminar Still (wide?) awake. Not really wide. Haha....just awake. The weather is unbearable. There's 2 fans blowing at me in the study room. Can't wait to step into my bedroom really. Completed my online application to SPRING Singapore internship...praying hard that they will consider me. But meanwhile I'll have to source for other companies that I can work as intern in as well. I'm most probably not going overseas during the mid-year anymore for summer programme, and I was previously upset partly because of that. The other part of me was upset - more of feeling vexed - because I know I must not waste my 3 months of hols. The good thing however is that i've now got many options about what I wanna do. Definitely working, hopefully as an intern. Most probably not taking up local special term. But which means I gotta source and apply for positions. That takes some time and effort. And I'm feeling so packed cos of school already. And therefore I was vexed. Need the strength of God!!! I also have to take care of my health especially now that the weather's so hot, need to consume more water and sleep more. Feeling guilty now hahaha. :\ Anyway, I was very blessed by Pst Kong's preaching on relationship for the past 2 services. I feel that his sharing is accurately pin-pointing the real marriage and relationship issues faced by couples today. Isn't it better to learn about relationship matters in church? :) Despite some awkwardness...er...heh heh. But I know what Pst Kong mentioned so far is nothing but the truth and because God and Pst Kong loves us, they will not hide the truth from us. :) I was particularly convicted when Pst Kong mentioned about dressing well even at home. I remember him saying, "why dress well only when you are outside? Dressing well only when you are outside working - so are you dressing for your boss or your husband?" All these while I thought that it's really cool to just let my hair down at home, even when I've got a husband and kids. I mean just the heck-care attitude, feeling comfy in baggy clothes that tend to be a bit aunty looking. Just relax at home in that way. That's the way I am now at home! But now I must realize that there are ways to dress comfortably but not uglyly. More often than not, it's because I don't bother to think about that possibility. Sigh. I feel like an obasan in-the-making. Gotta get rid of that mindset!!! Pastor also mentioned about cosmetic surgery. I agree with his stand, which is also Rick Warren's stand, the author of Purpose Driven Life. Our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. If it is broken down, you got to fix it. Some people are born with certain deficiencies or deformities. When necessary, I really feel (this was my view even before pastor mentioned about this issue) that cosmetic or corrective surgery should be done. It doesn't mean that we lose our holiness or spirituality when we alter certain parts of our body. If it really affects the individual, or if it affects the relationship between you and your spouse, you should consider cosmetic surgery. But take calculated risks. And do evaluate the cost-benefits of your decision. I don't believe in being anti-plastic surgery. I just don't believe in overdoing it. I don't believe in overdoing anything in this world....anything that is extreme is not healthy. Alrights. That's all for now. Catching up on my sleep. Goodnight...:) Labels: contemplative, daily rantings, revelation 1:24 AM
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Twitter + John Bevere I'm trying out Twitter.com, since pastor have been on it. But I don't think my updates will be as exciting as his, travelling all over the world doing different kinds of stuff. Hahaha. We'll see....  I've been listening to the CD version of John Bevere's Driven by Eternity through my mp3, when I'm on the go. I finally completed the series few days ago, and I must say it is so helpful in strengthening my foundation in the Kingdom principles. I hope to listen and re-listen, as every 30minutes lesson is an eye-opener for me in the spirit. Some of the truths I've learnt from it (just to give you a flavor of it): 1. Why are non-believers capable of living good lives? While non-believers does not believe in a God, they actually fulfil 60% of God's 10 Commandments unknowingly! Read: #6: You shall not murder. #7: You shall not commit adultery. #8: You shall not steal. #9: You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor. #10: You shall not covet anything that is your neighbor’s. But. What determines how we spend eternity can only be through the 1st 4 commandments, aka putting God first in our lives. There's a reason why there's ranking and prioritisation even within the 10 commandments. :p But having said that, it just dawned upon me how universal the 10 commandments is. God's principles has been framing the culture and beliefs of the world at large. Amazing! But perhaps to non-believers, they wouldn't see it as such due to doubts about the universality & history of Christianity as a religion. But I know can already. ;o) 2. How does God reward us for eternity? On what basis or standards? God rewards us by the level of obedience we show towards him. In the past, this was a burning question at the back of my mind. I didn't get a convincing answer. But now I am truly convinced. And I strive to live by God's standards, not men. :) The reason why we may doubt our place/role in the KOG is because we are looking at God's things through natural principles. But that's wrong - we must look at God's doings through godly perspective. Note that God's Kingdom (which includes your eternity) works on an entirely different judgment system from the one in our world. Here's the explanation: Different people have different types of callings to do different things. But the work God has called us to do hold the same importance/value in His Kingdom's master plan. A person who is called to be a pastor reaching out to 10,000 converts is rewarded by the same system as a person called to be a business man reaching out to marketplace leaders. And that's through our degree of obedience to the task given to us. Why? Because the business man is reaching out in places that the Pastor cannot. Likewise, the pastor is reaching out to people that the business man may not be able to reach. Hence, both persons are doing things that are equally important in the Kingdom of God. But what differentiates the rewards you get in eternity from another person is whether you have acceded to your calling, or you avoid it at all cost. Woohoo. Thank God for John Bevere. :D 3. On callings: You are not the first person to be called by God What Smith Wigglesworth, Marilyn Hickey, Reinhard Bonnke have done, should have been done earlier by someone else whom God had called upon previously. But because these ppl have failed to be obedient to God's calling, God raises up the 2nd/3rd/4th person who is obedient to carry out His task. And so on....until God finds a person (like the above great evangelists) who finally manage to complete it. Ezekiel 22:30 says, "I looked for a man among them who would...stand before me in the gap on behalf of the land so I would not have to destroy it, but I found none." I don't think fulfilment of the calling is the main issue because God being God, will get things done no matter what. The main concern for us as Man is our lifestyle and rewards in eternity...the fact that it shall be determined by our obedience to God. ANYWAYS. I'm glad to hear this because I know that even if a person gets to know the Lord at a later stage in life, as long as he/she is obedient to the Lord, they are by no means shortchanged as compared to a young Christian. :) I'm sure my great grandma is enjoying her rewards in Heaven. Labels: daily rantings, information 7:14 PM
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Stressssss... Sigh. Feeling academically stressed now. Not helping that I am worried for some friends at the same time...why? Cos I'm so not sure if they truly consider me as a friend. Who is a friend? What do you find in a person you call friend? Sigh. Labels: daily rantings 3:41 PM
Career options + 5 love languages Went to career fair today at school...kind of strange how I manage to straighten out my career path options just because I went for it. As you know I have no idea what I want to work as after graduating next year. It's one of the 25 random things I listed previously. Fyi. Haha. Thank God, really. That I have shortlisted what I am looking at in terms of industry and company, and I've also straightened out the nature of job I want. Looking forward to career fair 2010! Since such fairs are largely catered to final year graduating students. As for me, I took the opportunity to look around, feel the atmosphere, and see if there's internship placings today. And there are. so i'm applying sometime soon. Crossing my fingers! Had cell group today, reminded me about the 5 love languages. In the past, I used to be blurry about this concept. As in I didn't REALLY know what are my love languages. But after the refreshing of memory today, I think my love language when I give/express to others is primarily acts of service. Secondarily quality time. And my primary language for receiving love is Words of affirmation. Secondarily quality time. :) Now I can't wait to find out the love languages of my friends too! excited about how I can accurately express my love and care for my friends. :D Labels: contemplative, daily rantings 12:41 AM
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Covermark cosmetic + Personal Expenditure 1. COVERMARK Don't you think that this product is both amazing and scary? Before After   Many more before-after pics in the link above. Browse at your own pleasure. =x I knew of this product like 5 years ago, but didn't have the kind of money to buy this product. I have this ugly looking birthmark at my right side of the back shoulder area. I have resolved to either laser it off when i am financially independent one day, or rely on Covermark to conceal it, so that I can wear nice bareback clothes sometimes. But i never did so far, cos firstly I didn't get the product and secondly i always had alternatives. as in i can still look good without needing to wear bareback tops. So yeah. Maybe I wouldn't laser it off. Still thinking about it. :) Anyway there used to be a commercial on this young sexy looking mature lady who strips everything off her face and body after her photo shoot, only to transform into an old grandma in disguise. Muahaha. I think with products like Covermark, such commercials do have some truth. 2. Personal expenditure Because of the BF commitment, sometimes getting clothes that I really really want is a trouble because it's either building fund OR the top. Yet I feel like I'm in a transition. In terms of style...So i'm kind of like having a wardrobe revolution. Hahaha. that's an overstatement actually, but you get the idea. Labels: daily rantings 11:46 PM
Monday, February 9, 2009
Inkheart + Sec sch I watched Inkheart all by myself today at AMK Hub. It's a great story! I thoroughly enjoyed the adventure. Was deciding between this and Jack Neo's "Love Matters". I chose to watch something that can expand my imagination more. :p This morning as I went past my secondary school by bus on my way to Singpost, there were different students from different schools. VJC, RJC, VS, CHIJ, TKGS. But I still feel Cedar Girls has the smartest looking uniform!!! Cedarian pride still in place. Haha.... I have the sudden urge to visit the school building. Not for the teachers, since most of them left long time ago. But for the place where I spent my 4 years...every corner of the school is in my memory as vivid as before. I love the structure of the building. But now heard that the school has undergone some major renovation. Guess the place is no longer as it used to be. Not a bad thing though, if i'm not wrong they were building a full 400m track. THere was a school carnival sort of thingy last weekend I think...but I couldn't make it there. Spent half of my time in Cedar's Track and Field, doing workouts and drills on the previously 200m track and jump pit....unforgettable cos it's both torturing and fulfilling. :x Fulfilling because you can feel that your endurance level develops to be pretty high. And I really miss the fit and strong me. I've never been back in Cedar's compound since the day I graduated from sec sch. Quite ungrateful huh. :s oh well. Some things are beautiful when left as memories? Labels: contemplative, daily rantings 8:52 PM
Sunday, February 8, 2009
To whom it may concern Erm... After overcoming some initial inhibition, I decided to post this up. To share with those who might encounter the same things as I do, to let you know you're not alone AND that you can overcome it. To the rest, I hope it doesn't cause too much shock! Haa.... . . . . . . . . . . . Thought breeds action It's scary to realize how deep I can sink into depression. Not to the point of taking a knife and putting it on my wrist, or the impulse of downing 8 panadols one shot...but an action is bred from a thought. As innocent as a thought in the brain. Many times I suspect I might just have the potential to do suicide because I have thoughts about using suicide to ease my pain. I have been taught that it is a myth to think that suicide can ease one's pain. And yes, my rationality tells me that too. But it is scary to me of how one person can be headed towards self-destruction with just a trigger of some thoughts. And whether we carry out the action of suicide or we dismiss the idea after some deliberate analysis is only a matter of conviction. In fact, I used to have wild imagination of how to leave my house and family. or how to die in my earlier days. I can die while travelling in my parents' car. I simply have to open the car door, hop out of the car while on the expressway when all the cars are travelling at high speeds. Let one or two cars run over me. That's the end of my life. My spirit will leave my body, and at last - I can be freed from the sufferings of this world. When my thought life is bad, such thoughts return. But of course I thank God that I have Him. If there is really no God in this world, I would have done suicide long ago. Without God, there is no Heaven nor is there Hell. There is no eternity and no eternal death. Moral values will no longer matter. In fact, it might not even exist. It is meaningless to live on. But more importantly, I thank God because He made me realize that if I ever succumb to suicide, indeed I'll be freed from the sufferings of this world, BUT I'll be caught in eternal hell for the rest of eternity with Satan gloating, his delight written all over his ugly face. With the thought of Satan gloating away, I simply hate to let him win or let him have me. But Enling, I thought you came from a happy and blessed family, who provided you with everything you need and want? Why do you still have such suicidal thoughts? Compared to others who have been through family violence, with history of abuse or hurt, you are very fortunate. You know? I know. YES, I know. Well. If emotions can ever be reasoned, we will have an explanation to everything in this world. Science will no longer be eluded when it comes to things of the heart. But we know that emotions are the very thing that makes us humans human. And therefore, I cannot tell you why my inner world can be full of darkness at times, that it even scares myself. Did I ever wished to become like this? No, of course not. But there's one thing I understand: 2 different people can go through different things, but the degree of hurt and disappointments felt is the common denominator. So with that, I just want to say to myself AND to those who may have shared the same intense feelings as I do when we are down...environmental support and encouragement is very important. Allow (the right) people to walk into your life and to bring you out of it. Know where you can get genuine help. In this world, what binds us together is the fact that we are interdependent. We depend on each other to function, even as a society. Therefore, let's create a community of social support for each other. In that way, we will not fall trap into thinking that suicide can solve everything, because you will realize that it is a bad trade-off. And there is a reason why people in the right mind - your friends, family, religious leaders, social workers, counsellors, psychologists, experts - are all saying the same thing: Suicide IS stupid. If you feel the same way about life as I did and you would like to talk about it, and more importantly you need a listening ear, feel free to share it with me. Let's create a community of social support. klerisei@gmail.com Labels: contemplative 8:23 PM
I am maturing. Through the eyes of God... The one who serves most with a humble heart is the most qualified to be the leader of all. Through the eyes of the world... The one who serves most with a humble heart is a naivete and scum of the earth. Through the eyes of God... The one who loses all will gain what is truly precious after that. Through the eyes of the world... The one who has lost all is a loser for the rest of his lifetime. Through the eyes of God... The one who God is first in his life will have everything added unto him. Through the eyes of the world... The one who places God first in their life is either a monk, nun or priest. Through the eyes of God... The one who is fully obedient gets fully rewarded for eternity. Through the eyes of the world... The one who is fully obedient to anything or anyone is a fool that will never reach the top of society. . . . All I can say is that yes, I might have bouts of depression every now and then....but each time I emerge with new perspectives and convictions in my life. I am growing up. And I no longer see my world and my relationships in the same way. The way I approach things and issues will be different from now on...I am maturing. Labels: contemplative, revelation 5:34 PM
Friday, February 6, 2009
Persistence: Giving+Loving Sem 2 has been quite hectic so far. This week is even week, and even weeks are supposedly more relaxed. I have planned it as such so that I could have alternate weeks of being more relaxed. But looks like I am not enjoying that...have been diligently trying not to lag behind my school work. Plus the fact that this semester I'm having lots of projects and mid-terms, it is such a contrast to my 1st semester! That's for school.... . . . Recently haven't been very stable emotionally. I have the best girl pals and I know I am so fortunate to have people ready to listen to me talk about anything. But yet sometimes I still feel that I can't find anyone whom I can really open up to. That is not a very good feeling. I don't know. I'm more inclined to say that the problem lies with me rather than them. Perhaps I'm waiting for someone who would notice without me initiating it first. Someone who would be sensitive enough, not asking 'how are you' just to make small talks and kill time. Someone who would spend time listening to me talking abt everything in my life. Someone that clicks at my frequency, someone that will understand what I'm going through, someone that will not get stumbled by my sharing but instead encourage me to persist in having faith. And. Someone that does realize for a long time I have been constantly giving and that who realizes as imperfect a human, there are times when I grow tired and need some recharging and can use some genuine and effective encouragement in order to continue giving. This is SO not me. Friends, please attest to it??? Perhaps it's my own battle and that's why I am hesitant in voicing out. Or perhaps I'm still waiting for the right person who I can feel comfortable to share this with. But sometimes all these doesn't matter because I should really be voicing everything to the one who understands me the most: God. Right? Right. So I did. But felt the same. . . . This is really SO not me. But I guess it's time to stop self-denial. So yes, deal with it enling. You are not always strong...don't be afraid to admit it. Let God help you through it. 1 John 4:19 We love because He first loved us. And today, we sang 'First' for worship during Cgm. And God is saying to me, Don't use fatigue as an excuse to give up. Always remember that you are giving because I have first given my Son to you. Persist in loving, because I first persisted in loving you. Ok. If that's the case Lord, use me however You want then. I will obey because loving is obeying. And it doesn't matter if I get appreciated or not. You have shown me there's more to life than getting my ego stroked. I remember what I learnt from Emerge '07 about brokenness & contriteness, and about servanthood. True servanthood & humility is tested only when people really treat you like a servant. AMEN. Labels: contemplative, daily rantings, revelation 10:50 PM
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Nation Builders + Singapore Before I ask myself what do I think, I asked myself what do I feel after watching the video. A lot of people can be sceptic about those down and out featured in the video, because they think and not feel. I am also guilty of going down that path sometimes. So I make it a point to feel this time. I sense purposeless living, meaningless existence and loneliness. As what the message of the video is all about: What are we doing as a nation for those who helped build Singapore? Without them, there is no 'us'. Have we become so unfeeling, so ungrateful for those who made comfort possible in Singapore today? Let's give back to society. Let's fulfil our social responsibility. It's not a voluntary thing but it's a responsibility, because the fact IS that we didn't build the nation Singapore through our generation alone. We stepped on the backs of previous generations to arrive where we are today. So like it or not, we have the responsibility to give back. We have to say thank you. Labels: contemplative, information 8:10 PM
God is GOOD. From morning till the end of classes, life was out of me. I guess the flu medicine I ate the night before was so effective that despite 7hrs of sleep, its drowsy effects haven't worn off. I literally dragged my feet to school this morning. I was so depressed the entire day. Not just because I am sick. I am a victim to Murphy's Law today. Sigh. Being sick is a curse. Yet I know that God is good. Still. And i chanted in my heart 'God is good' until I get up on my feet in faith once again. It's strange how well the chanting works for me. Haha. But I know it's because when we verbalize about the goodness of God, our mind starts to think of why and how God is good which in turn makes the heart less depressed and therefore faith arises in the spirit after some time. In all things praise God! Yes, God is good....always and forever. Labels: daily rantings 7:59 PM
Sunday, February 1, 2009
spiritual warfare? Why is it that every time there's a campus activity, I'm either sick, cannot make it, informed too late (this one has been somewhat rectified already, i'm not complaining here), or I don't have school on that day (not a justified reason in itself though.)? There's a school PM tomorrow evening and I've already fallen sick today. But still hoping I can make it. I mean I wouldn't mind the distance. I don't mind going to school even though I've got no classes on Mondays. But such things just keep happening....frustrating! So I have to push my head through what seems like a spiritual warfare that keeps me from getting involved in campus movement. The more resistance coming my way, the more determined I am to overcome it. Labels: daily rantings 11:38 PM
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