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Friday, January 15, 2010
Enjoying Pressure I'm actually enjoying juggling pressures. Versus the past 3 years, it is a vastly different response. My conclusion and the moral of the story is that I don't actually hate pressure if the things that are pressuring me are the things I like. When I say "like", I refer to things that I see a purpose in doing, and of course the element of interest must be present... Spiritually, there are many times I wonder why I seem to be pushed to take up responsibilities prematurely. It always made me feel so awkward and inadequate. People take a lifetime of learning before they attain that place of responsibilities. So when they are "there", they are strong and capable already. They start out strong. My case? Often feels like I'm learning on-the-job. I often feel unready. I always believe that I know myself - my limitations and weaknesses weighed by the time and season of my spiritual life and a whole lot of other factors which runs through my mind on a mental weighing scale. When I don't feel I have attained that level of having what it takes YET, I won't feel ready. Yet before I am ready for that something, I am being challenged to go and JUST DO IT. Wow. It takes a lot of courage, and much more encouragement and belief from other people. The reason I am still where I am today is because I did have many people who spoke positively into my life and believed in my potential. I guess at this point in time I have no choice but to settle for the reason for why is such a thing happening in my life, which is kinda unique/special/weird - That there is no reason. The only reason would only be known to God in His infinite wisdom and knowledge and power...secondly, the fact that all God is looking for in a vessel is a willing heart. He isn't looking for a perfect vessel, nor is He looking for a vessel through the way humans judge. I know this post is unreadable for some visitors. It's okay....just ranting over here. =) Labels: contemplative 1:25 AM
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