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Monday, March 1, 2010
Not seeing eye to eye My dad doesn't see why until today - do I have to be so committed to church life. I am positive that has been the case all these years. What he has given me up till now is simply room to accommodate my choice. He doesn't understand it, but he is trying to respect it because it is what I want and I have my own stand. A lot of small tensions and conflicts arose because of this. Sometimes I just literally keep one ear or eye shut so that I don't have to keep explaining myself in a bid to convince him. Will he ever be convinced? I am not confident of convincing him. Because only God can convince someone that church life is what He wants for His believers. His TRUE followers. That is the reason why I don't try hard enough to convince him at all. Because my dad will never see and can never understand where I am coming from, no matter how hard I try UNLESS he is touched by God the way God has touched my life. Doesn't mean, though, that I am stubborn in my ways. I might have been stubborn at times, but I do believe that I try my best to strike a balance too. This is what my church have taught us - to be a good testimony at home, and to be a good testimony in church. Perhaps I am simply not trying hard enough to prove that I DON'T neglect family life and that I view family as important to me. It is definitely not easy, but I am trying hard. But, I do admit, at times I fail because I am too tired or maxed out with all the juggling. And when my parents expect me to be helping out at home, I am just so zonked out already. Sometimes I wish my parents are touched by God the way God has touched me. Then they would be able to understand my life, and they would minister to their children with the values learnt from God which I would be in sync with. But now, it's just not the case. Sadly. When the church announces the arise and build campaign in 6 days and the new building details will be out and open, I know that my parents will be concerned. They have already voiced their concern when the first news publication about the new church building came out months ago. I will not be surprised if they will approach me with their concern once again. I have always felt regretful for not having godly parents from young. It was something I wanted and desired for from a young age. But I know I cannot choose my parents. And everything that God has given to me, it is for the best. I have learnt not to complain or be bitter about something which I cannot change. And I do believe my parents have their strengths and I don't think I can ever match up to their parenting competency and provision if I am to be a mother myself. All I want to say is I love my parents, but sometimes when we fail to see eye to eye, it disturbs both sides. I love my God, I love His church. It is something I can never compromise upon and have not compromised since accepting Christ 4 years ago. At the same time, I value my family. If God is first, family is my second in my life. So, what am I going to do to them? Nothing. It may not be the best reaction I can come up with, but I just want to keep on improving on my own part in juggling. To look at my own faults rather than to pick up faults from my mum or dad. And with God, I believe everything becomes bearable. Nothing is impossible with God. I believe. Labels: contemplative 1:35 PM
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