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Friday, October 31, 2008
CityNews! For those of you who hasn't gone to www.chc.org.sg/citynews , repent! Labels: daily rantings 1:04 PM
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Dilemma To be impartial - are there times/situations when being impartial is wrong? Is impartiality one of the many acceptable methods to go about things? Or it's not justifiable by the moralistic point of view and is unacceptable in certain times/situations? . . . Am I being too idealistic? Am I wrong to want to know 'why' first before deciding how to react in the right way? . . . I'm really caught in between. Labels: contemplative 11:22 PM
Such a time as THIS It is such a time as THIS....when saying "God, I trust in You. Although imperfection surrounds me that which I do not understand, You are the perfect God who is all knowing and all powerful. Therefore, I am wise to put my faith in You because You order the steps of the righteous. Grant me strength to not just OVERCOME, but to CONQUER and SUCCEED." actually means so much more. *In all things, praise Him. Labels: contemplative 12:36 AM
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Hebrews 9:16 [NKJV] For where there is a testament, there must also of necessity be the death of the testator. Labels: revelation 1:39 AM
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Think & Confess Positively! I experienced the power of positive thinking. Just THINKING only, not confession and I already can see and sense things around me changing. Actually I wanted to share testimony during cg but didn't quite know how to phrase it well and succinct, so decided against it. Time to count my blessings! (1) Last Sunday for churchwide prayer meeting i was deciding how I should go about it, cos every sunday I've got music lesson at 4pm. PM usually end at 3pm, that means i wouldn't be able to attend the entire prayer meeting, OR i have to cab home immediately after PM. Which i'm extremely reluctant to do so. Such a waste of $$$. BUT GOD made a way out for me! "When there's a will, there's a way". My teacher messaged me few days before to change my lesson to 5pm! And i did not tell him about me needing to attend prayer meeting at all. As such, i managed to stay throughout the whole PM and did not have to waste $$$ on cabbing. BUT that's not all! WJ, one of the youths who had never attended churchwide PM attended PM for the first time! I really believed that he felt touched and recharged in his spirit....he's beginning to see something more spiritually and supernaturally. I'm very glad that I managed to pull him along for the PM. :D (2) On the following Monday, me and my group sch project mates manage to arrange an interview with the relevant personnel for an ongoing construction project in NUS. Others were saying that they tried getting the right personnel for interview in previous projects from the same place in NUS, but they failed to get the right person and not only that, a lot of time is wasted as a result. So the lesson learnt was that we must be able to get the right person for interview, or lucky lucky manage to contact the right person then interview will be granted. Thank God! We found the right person for interview. It was rather fast, so we didn't waste any time at all! The interviewee was not only friendly, but very helpful with the information given and even invited us to attend with him on Tues in another meeting! To us, it's a very big bonus to be able to attend the second meeting, because that's where all the other construction project participants are at the meeting. As such, he really helped us alot alot. If we get a really good grade for our presentation, it must be attributed to him. (3) This whole week i've been very efficient. In school, I've been contacting my course lecturers a lot to clarify alot of doubts. It's a necessary step...if i never clear my doubts, I can never move on in certainty. I've also been really efficient in getting my projects to be on the run, like this afternoon, I've got most of my data collection done for one of my modules. =) Data collection is like the hardest part for this project, so I really intend to get it over and done with. And i wouldn't be able to accomplish so much within a given time without God's strength. It's really true that God will multiply your time if you put Him first. =) God must always be in the equation to experience supernatural success. So despite being busy with school, God takes care of other areas naturally. I find that my relationship with my friends in school grew closer, I'm saying Hi to more people and vice versa. The friends i usually hang around with in school are so helpful that I feel so touched. Somehow that really changes the entire atmosphere for me. I tend to be happier, livelier, more cheerful. It's the power of influence. ;o) I also managed (amazingly) to spend time after school on Wed with Kerin and JT...although the quality of fellowship can have more room for improvements, i felt that it was definitely a good start and i see myself doing visits more often on a weekly basis. Confess the positive! (4) Mum was touched and happy for something I've done, which was asking my bro to fetch her using the car after her church mass because Dad went for a long walk with Golden. To be honest, my concern was that I didn't want a ruckus at home when Mum reaches home cos she will complain that there's no one who cares for her at home cos of her bad knees yet she had to walk back from the church around the neighbourhood. But i guess that itself was something mum wanted but did not make it known to us. Care and concern. It makes sense cos it wouldn't be logical for someone to be able to give all the time without receiving. It's only when we receive that we can give even more. She likes her kids to have the initiative. But oh well. It's rather complicated for me emotionally...but in short, the right thing for me to do is to continue putting in MORE effort for this family. (5) Spent time at lunch with dad on Thurs, could tell that he's happy although he didn't say it verbally. :) Half of the time he has his lunch on his own. So i suppose it's pretty boring and lonely most of the time....I decided to drop by and have lunch since I was on my way to BCA @ Tanjong Pagar to collect drawings. ..................... Yuppp. this is what I mean by God is beginning to work something in my life. everything seems to be on the right track like finally. And i believe it will continue to be as long as I walk according to God's purpose. It will definitely require some sacrifice, but will definitely be a benefit to me in the long run. I really feel that walking in God's purpose has allowed me to think clearer and deeper, which is much needed for me. Daily i find myself having to make decisions all the time. Some that requires a good thought. And thinking clearer and deeper has allowed me to make wise decisions, at school too. So if you haven't started the habit of having positive thoughts and confessing them, start NOW!!! It WILL change your life. Trust me. And you actually feel good about yourself. 12:49 AM
Thursday, October 23, 2008
A hate letter Hello Blog. It's good to be away from you for some time. You are a bane more than a boon at times like this. I love you most of the time, but other times I really dislike you. Like now. The past few days i've been busy doing the things at the top of my priority list. You aren't part of it, unfortunately. I hope I grow to dislike you more and more. And I hope to be able to say an eternal good-bye to you someday soon. Wish me all the best. 1:44 AM
Monday, October 20, 2008
DEAL or NO DEAL? According to dictionary.com, "deal" = to be able to handle competently or successfully, or to take action with respect to a thing or person. There's a big difference between the dictionary's meaning and my definition of dealing. That's when I realized THAT's where my problem lies. I thought that by attempting to deal with issues, i've dealt with it. But i haven't really dealt with it at all! To say that I've dealt with something means that i've handled something competently or successfully, which obviously wasn't the case for me. I was in fact living with issues that i've failed to deal properly, co-existing with them instead. And it always come to a point when you either deal with your problems, or your problems come and deal with you. Fri cg was the turning point in all these. God was teaching me a lesson. For a few days I felt like God abandoned me...it's like His glory left my life. No matter how much time I spent trying to enter into His presence, it was in vain. I was just wasting my time. I was very perturbed and I couldn't take it that God is totally ignoring my cry. I threw questions at God. Is this really my calling? If it is, why am I where I am today? Why isn't the things I lay my hands upon flourishing like it should be? Why do you left me to wither and die if this is a calling that YOU have given me? I said all that in my heart obviously hoping to elicit some response from God at the very least. Although I eventually gave up doing that, there's one thing that I couldn't make uncertain no matter how much i question it. and that's God's calling. Whenever I asked God in desperation about the reality of my calling, I am always strangely assured. It is like a solid rock that no one and not even the devil can move away. That kind of feeling remains the same since 3 years ago when I was just a newbie in church....then I was reminded of Romans 11:29, where it says "For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable." With that, I carried on with life as normally as possible altho i felt super empty on the inside. But then came a point when I decided to randomly do something about my studies and to just stop procrastination and being lazy. I did something that I've never done for a long long long time since JC days, and that is mugging REALLY hard for the past few days. After which, I realize that this was the lesson that God is trying to teach me! God wants me to awaken the mugging giant in me, because I ever did make a covenant with God that I really want to see a transformation in my studies, become a testimony for the glory of God. And to see it coming to past, I must really give it my all, which I hadn't been willing to do..deep deep deep down inside of me. So I realize that when I set my heart to mug, I can be very scary. The reason I believe God chose to teach me a lesson in this manner is two-fold (sorry, a Thinker at work here again) : 1) If I say that I want to glorify God, then that includes my studies as well. What's the point of having an impeccable record in church commitments when I'm not able to shine for Jesus outside the 4 walls? 2) If I made a commitment, make sure I KEEP IT. God remembers and takes my commitment very seriously. In short, God wants me to know that when I do well in my studies, I am doing it for God's sake and not just myself. So it is also a calling at this point as a student. If I do well, God gets glorified. The bible says in Ephesians 4:22-24, 'put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness.' This is the rhema I received....I believe it shall serve as a constant reminder to me. Deal or no deal??? Labels: revelation 12:58 AM
Sunday, October 19, 2008
I think I know what this is all about. I think I'm starting to understand what's the meaning of all this. God is good.
3:29 AM
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Red Dot Design Museum 5 6 15 16 24 <---the answers i got wrong for my midterm test. For my own reference paiseh. Well, guess where I went today? Red Dot Design Museum! Post pictures someday soon. I was supposed to head to BCA to collect drawings of my house, but on the way saw this tourist attraction called Red Dot Design Museum and wondered what's this museum all about. Anyway it's only 4 bucks for students, so just go. Impressiveness: 3/5 Overall purpose: 4/5 Basically it's a museum exhibiting all the innovative but FUNCTIONAL and MARKETABLE designs. Took many many photos and can't wait to share all the amazing stuff that's actually available in the market for mass appeal. :D They've got this bathtub that has LED lights or something, and it switches on and off and changes color by a swipe of your hands on either edges of the bathtub. :D They've also got really cool watches that are practically 100% resistant to scratches and looks good. And a nice toilet bowl which lid closes automatically after pulling it down a certain angle. And buildable water bottles forming a solid wall! They actually can replace masonry! Amazing. I walked into the museum thinking it was free of charge. Hahaha. But after like 5 mins, the museum keeper told me must pay. I think she didn't expect anyone to come in so early, like 11am. :p I love the surrounding environment, it has got several cafes and restaurants and the ambience is awesome!!! I might just spend some time mugging there soon. After which i headed to BCA and that was it. :) Labels: daily rantings 2:14 AM
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Where Am I Now? After a few mosquito bites at my backyard, walking Golden to the park and getting more mosquito bites in the playground and producing a lot of mucus, I realize what I needed wasn't fresh air. What I need is a lot of God's presence. Trying to see if a change of environment can make God appear more, you see. How stupid can I get. First God, second His rhema, third my concerns. First God, second His rhema, third my concerns. First God, second His rhema, third my concerns. . . . WHERE AM I NOW? that's the big question i'm trying to answer as honestly and as fully as i possibly can right now. Labels: contemplative 2:09 AM
Monday, October 13, 2008
Remembering your Sabbath I'm breathing a sigh of relief. i can't imagine what I'd have missed out if I did not attend church today! Well, u might have known that I am sick. But this morning i felt that the fever went away and what's left was a moderate sore throat. On the whole, I was well enough to travel, to be up and about. But. Spirit of laziness came upon me...tempting me to stay in bed, since i've already overslept (shld have woken up at 7am, but was 8am instead). I decided to stir myself up and remind myself the Bible says I must remember the Sabbath day. So after I stepped out of my house walking to the bus stop, I felt very happy! Haha. It was like happy happy, but spiritually also I knew it was a fight against the devil which I won. And so I felt happy because I made God happy. =) Today at church, I... Connected with the youths very well! I met Chelsea and got down her contacts! She seems very open to me. Enjoyed pastor's message tremendously and felt that the P&W was awesome! I met up with AL, got her a book 'Angels in the ER' and a card of encouragement I met Jiasin and caught up abit with this dear of mine - received her prayer for my healing! YES I can feel God's therapeuo healing! Fellowshipped with Cg Visitation with caleb, princess, JJ to Emil's place See? I would not have accomplished so many things if I had given in to my laziness. Tsk. I gotta have willpower to overcome such circumstances whenever it arises! Labels: daily rantings 12:06 AM
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Personality tests Go to this website for a read, it's good. http://www.personalitypage.com/four-prefs.html I believe many of us including myself have wrong concepts about what Extraversion vs. Introversion, Sensing vs. Intuition, Thinking vs. Feeling, Judging vs. Perceiving really are. We often think that if we are one, we are hardly the other. I realize after reading the website that that's not correct! We practice both. We are in fact more 'balanced' than we think. Secondly, I believe that as we grow and interact with the world, our personality types can change. Most of us change, I believe (practising Intuition here =p). I remember in the past I wasn't an INTJ (aka the Strategist). So when i did the test, I couldn't believe that I'm one! And so I did the test TWICE. No surprise, the results remained the same. I then tried to understand what the analysis says about myself. And i discovered that I am really like that! I was amazed that I changed in certain aspects since young. Just that somehow it never dawned upon me that I've changed, and quite significantly in fact. Some learning points about analysis of my ownself... Although I'm intuitive, I must realize that many out there are Sensors. Sensors believe in concreteness of things. As such, to connect with this world, I must acquire relevant knowledge/evidence to support my intuition. Otherwise, to others it may just be pure rubbish. In any case, the world today is pretty much "seeing is believing". 5:42 PM
Friday, October 10, 2008
"Rhema" by Rev. Dr. Yonggi Cho  Excerpt taken from Harvest Times Issue 35, 26-34 I went beside her stretcher, and when I looked ino her eyes, I realized that she already had the faith to be healed: not a dead faith, but a living faith. I touched her forehead with my hand and said, "Sister, in the name of Jesus Christ, be healed." Instantly the power of God came, and she was healed. She stood up from her stretcher, thrilled, frightened and amazed. This woman had received such a miraculous healing that word of it instantly spread. Soon afterward one rich woman came to the church, also being carried in by a stretcher. She had been a Christian for a long time, and a deaconess in the church. She had memorized scripture after scripture of divine healing. I prayed for her with all my might, but nothing happened. Then I shouted, repeating the same pryaers for healing. I used the Word of God, and I even jumped, but nothing happened. I asked her to stand up by faith. Many times she would stand, but the moment I took my hand away, she would fall down like a piece of dead wood. She would claim to me that she had all the faith in the world, but her faith never would work. I became quite depressed, and eventually she began to cry. She claimed, "Pastor, you are prejudiced. You loved that other woman so much that you healed her. But you don't really love me. So I am still stick. You are prejudiced." "Sister," I replied, "I have done everything. You saw me. I have prayed, I have cried, I have jumped, I have shouted. I did everything that a Pentecostal preacher can do, but nothing happened, and I can't understand it." I then travailed and cried, "Why Father? Why should it be like this? God, please give me the answer, a very clear-cut answer." And He did. So now I would like to share this answer with you, and some realizations that led me to this understanding. People think that they can believe on the Word of God. They can. But they fail to differentiate between the Word of God which gives general knowledge about God, and the Word of God which God uses to impart faith about specific circumstances into a man's heart. It is this latter type of faith which brings miracles. . . . One in Korea a lady had a tremendous youth meeting on Samgak Mountain. She had a great ministry. Many young people would flock to her meetings. During the week of the youth campaign it rained heavily, and all the rivers overflowed. A group of young people wanted to go to the town on the opposite side of the river, where the meetings were being held. But when they came to the bank of the river, it was flooded. There was not a bridge or a boat to be seen, and most of the them became discouraged. But the three girls got together and said, "Why can't we just wade through the water? Peter walked on the water, and Peter's God is our God, Peter's Jesus is our Jesus, and Peter's faith is our faith. Peter believed, and we should do all the more." The river was completely flooded, but there three girls knelt down and held hands together, quoting the scriptures containing the story of Peter walking on the water, and they claimed they could believe in the same way. Then, in the sight of the rest, they shouted and began to wade through the water. Immediately they were swept away by an angry flood, and after three days their dead bodies were found in the open sea. This incident caused repercussions throughout Korea. Non-Christian newspapers carried the story, making headlines of it. What kind of answer would you give? Those girls had believed. They had exercised faith based on the Word of GOd. But God had no reason to support their faith. Peter walked on the water because of logos, which gives general knowledge about God. Peter required that Christ give a specific word to him: Peter asked, "Lord, if you are Jesus, command me to come." Jesus replied, "Come." The word Christ gave to Peter was not logos, but rhema. [It was given] in a specific situation, a storm. Rhema brings faith. Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the rhema. Peter never walked on the water by knowledge of God alone. Peter had rhema. But these girls only had logos, a general knowledge of God, and in this case, the working of God through Peter. They exercised their human faith on logos: that was a mistake. God, therefore, had no responsibility to support their faith. . . . Two years ago two Bible school graduated failed completely in their first venture into the ministry. These two fellows had been disciples of mine. They listened to my lectures, they came to my church and learned i concept the principles of faith. They began their first venture into ministry with what seemed to be a great deal of faith, clinging to such scriptures as: "Open you mouth wide and I will fill it" (Ps 81:10); "If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do it" (Jn 14:14) They went to a bank and made a large loan. With this money they bought land and built a beautiful sanctuary - without even having a congregation. They began preaching, expecting the people to flock in by the hundreds, and their debts to be paid; but nothing like that happened. These young men were [eventually] cornered in a terrible situation, arriving at a point where they were near to losing their faith in God. They cried [to me], "Ps. Cho, why is your God and our God different? You started with $2500, and now you have completed a five million dollar project. We went out and built things which cost only a total of $80,000. Why wouldn't God answer us? We believe in the same God, and we exercised the same faith. So why hasn't He answered?...We did exactly as you taught and we failed." Then I replied, "I am glad that you have failed after hearing my word. Surely you are my disciples, but you have not been the disciples of Jesus Christ. You misunderstood my teachings. I started my church because of rhema, not just logos. But you went out with just logos, a general knowledge about God and His faith. God therefore has no responsibility to support you, even though your ministry was for the Lord Jesus Christ." I dare not go up to the platform without first waiting upon the Lord and receiving the rhema God would have me give for that message. If I do not receive rhema, I will not go to the platform. We are not building a holy country club in the church...If the pastor does not supply rhema to his people, then you have just a religious social club. The churches we build should be places where people get their solutions from the Lord, receive miracles for their lives, and can gain not just a knowledge about God, but get to know Him in a vital way. In order to do this, the pastor must first receive rhema. . . . One of our church's finest deacons became ill; this deacon gave everything to the Lord and working for the Lord in an amazing way. He was told that he had a growth inside his body and that the doctor wanted to operate. But everybody in my church knew that God was going to heal him, for he was a tremendous saint with great faith. That was their reasoning. I prayed for his healing. All of our then 40,000 members prayed...But nothing happened. He became worse and worse. Eventually he bled so badly he was carried to the hospital and operated on. Many complained, "Where is God? Why is God treating him like this?" But I praised God, for I knew that He had some specific purpose in what was happening. When he was hospitalized in the ward he began to preach the Gospel to all the people with whom he made contact. Soon the whole hospital knew that there was a living Jesus. The doctors, nurses and all the patients daily became saved. Then our members rejoiced, saying, "Praise God. It was far better for him to be in the hospital than to be divinely healed immediately." God showed that His priority was the eternal healing of souls rather than the earthly healing of the physical. To discern between the suffering brought by satan that God would rather deliver, and suffering that God would use to bring about the flow of redemptive grace, is not always easy. To make this kind of decision you need to wait upon the Lord, and to know the will of the Lord. Do not become discouraged, but through you prayer, fasting and faith, let God show you His will. Be careful, however, not to move ahead of God. Many people do move ahead of God, as did Paul, in his eagerness to bring the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Jesus commanded that we go to the ends of the world and preach the Gospel, so Paul went out on the logos, and headed for Asia. But the Spirit of Jesus Christ did not permit him to go there. Then Paul said, "I will go to Bithynia." But again the Spirit of the Lord said "NO." We can imagine his wonderings, that he was confused, thinking to himself, "I was just obeying the command of Jesus. Jesus said to go to the ends of the world and preach the Gospel. Why am I a failure?" But as he was praying and waiting upon the Lord, he received the rhema, and a man from Macedonia appeared in a vision and said, "Come into Macedonia and help us!" So he took a boat and cross over to Europe. Labels: contemplative 12:21 AM
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Feverish. Feeling feverish....due to a sore throat now that's developed over 1-2weeks. My guess is that it's tonsils. Hope it subsides before the need to take medicine. I'm thankful for the things God has called me to do. "Calling" to me is still a very profound word. I have yet to comprehend it fully. Sometimes, I wished that God's calling isn't so difficult. I know that it's going to require much out of me, but so far I've been unwilling to step out of my comfort zone to really service the people within my calling. It takes so much out of a person. That is why it is a "calling". A call of duty is preeminent. "You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name." John 15:16 It's easier to give in to the flesh, always hoping that I can get something with nothing. But that's obviously a lie. No pain, no gain. God's principles hold no matter what. "Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows." Galatians 6:7 "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground." Genesis 1:28 I would not have pushed myself to still hang on....and agonizing over it as a result...if I had dealt with callings loosely. But I am holding onto it till this day because I do not want to make a mockery out of God with my own foolishness. Nor do I want to take things for granted. Labels: revelation 1:01 AM
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
A Summary I need to be more pastoral. I need to do visitation. I must not take anything for granted. Communicate with VISION, not instructions. A preacher is not an events planner. Build on your Revelation, Distinctive, Strength. Labels: revelation 11:36 PM
Monday, October 6, 2008
My Impulse I've decided! I'm going to watch Painted Skin tomorrow in the morning before class! I've been wanting to watch a few movies that looks pretty good to me. Painted skin, House Bunny and Connected. But I can only choose one this week and probably one for next week. So i gotta decide between a lighthearted comedy or a thriller to watch next week. Haha... Got a feeling that I'll feel extremely contented out of it. Imagine watching the movie in a near-empty cinema, early in the morning! others are heading to work or school but I am spending time with myself. :D Gotta love myself more!
8:49 PM
Sunday, October 5, 2008
All Clear! I'm glad to know from today's papers that CHC had been given all clear by the Commissioner of Charities. =) It's a pretty no-brainer for most of us who r church members. I'm just glad that there will be a fewer detractors now. But then again, i bet most of them who are bent on being anti-Chc all their lives will just find yet another reason to hold on to their views abt the church.
It's okay. If I am secure in God, there's no mountain high enough that can't be overcome. If we can believe together as a church, 3 cords are stronger than 1. As I've said before, conviction comes through the visible/concrete actions, not theological debates. If people can see it, there won't be any good reason to argue any further. Ultimately, the righteous will prevail. Considered sharing my thoughts about the opinion that Chc is a one-sided, prosperity gospel church. But i decided against it in the end cos I find no value in doing that. Let's talk about Building Fund instead!!! :D I'm excited to give this year. Last year was a tough one, to be able to say 'yes' and give what God had in mind. But because I eventually consented in my heart to give & I did it, I've not looked back since. Thus, it made me more excited to give this year! The faith in God is so great for this year's giving to the A&B campaign. What a contrast! I really can see myself fulfilling what God had in mind for the upcoming campaign. It's a definite yes from me...but at the same time, I want to give above and beyond that figure if possible. Pastor preached about addition vs. multiplication in terms of our sowing & reaping. It's a revelation to me. I felt like the amount God spoke to me about is an addition from last year's amount. But...I want to see multiplication in my reaping. Therefore, I have to sow in multiplications. =) It's going to be possible! All things become dust before the Lord. Who are you, O great mountain? Before Zerubbabel you shall become a plain! And he shall bring forth the capstone With shouts of “Grace, grace to it! --- Zech 4:7 (NKJV) --- I love this version for this verse. :D 10:38 PM
Friday, October 3, 2008
Happy! Ally fetched me home after lecture today. :) So happy. Happy not because I got a free ride home...although it's a valid reason to be happy about. i intended to sit a free ride from school to the bus stop near her home, where i could just take a straight bus home. But in the middle of the journey on the expressway, she told me that she's sending me right to my doorstep. =p Well, I'm happy cos we caught up a lot. During lecture(oops...) and then during the car ride. Hmm mostly during the car ride. It's been a long time since I felt this way since Primary school. Sometimes you can be in the same venue, sitting next to each other, talking a little bit, but there's no flow of real communication. I used to feel that Primary school was the best times with Ally. We were best friends then. great chemistry like siamese twins. But somehow we drifted apart despite going to the same secondary school, been in the same class and cca for 4 whole years. Nevertheless, we are in the same school now, taking the same module this semester. 7 weeks have passed by, I've sat together with her for lectures for about 4 weeks. But it's only today that I felt we've communicated as though we returned to the good old days. Primary school memories are my most treasured memories. My closest friends today came from my pri school class. We still hold primary 6 class gatherings at least once a year. I'm proud of them cos typically people hardly contact their pri sch buddies as years past. But my pri 6BD class is still meeting up. and when we talk, we really can joke and laugh like there's no tomorrow. Such are the moments that define my happiness in life. Having a great time with old buddies out of a simple conversation. =) Primary school shaped who i am today. The good and the bad experiences back then all played a significant role....young minds - impressionable. ;) I'd never imagine there's so much to talk about, if I didn't ask for a ride first. Likewise, we wouldn't ended our chat properly if she simply dropped me at the bus stop out side her home. So when Ally decided to send me home, I can sense that not only I enjoyed the time spent, she also felt the same way. The willingness to spend time with one another...I think that's the key to a good friendship. =)
9:28 PM
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Uplifted! After completing this song this afternoon, 'Whole Again', I felt uplifted. I think it's going to be my personal anthem for my inner battle...refusing to give in to delibitating thoughts about myself. Shamelessly clinging onto God. I didn't do justice to the song.... WHOLE AGAIN There’s no one else in this desert God my Father
And who can help to make me see?
Labels: Self-composed 11:28 PM
Can You hear me.....? Are You hearing me? Are You hearing me? Are You hearing me? Are You hearing me? Are You hearing me? Are You hearing me? Are You hearing me? Are You hearing me? Are You hearing me?Are You hearing me? Are You hearing me? Are You hearing me? There’s no one else in this desert An emptiness in my heart That only You can fill That only You can fill God my Father Hear my cry Your way is the truth, and the life So who will come and rescue me? Only Jesus And who can help to make me see? Only Jesus 6:03 PM
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
The Reason I realize why I have the tendency to keep 2 blogs. To me, a blog is a place that should allow me to 1) Express my innermost thoughts (both positive and negative) 2) Allow my friends to read those thoughts and catch up with what's happening in my life 3) Connect with acquaintances 4) Encourage and influence others through sharing of valuable daily experiences or thoughts on issues But I recently realized that it's not possible to fulfill them all. At least I feel now that it's extremely idealistic. I feel responsible for what I convey to others. I can't bear the thought that someone is reading something hugely depressing from my blog. I mean, it's not possible for me to be forever cheerful, inspired, optimistic, smiling. When I meet challenges, I get depressed too. So to me, blogging helps. Yet, I won't have a place to release those negative emotions if I don't blog about it just because I want to moderate the kind of influence I have on others. The last thing I'd hope for is to stumble others and pulling them along into the pit of negativity. Having myself in that state is bad enough, there's no need to compel others to join me. It's totally unhealthy. and I personally believe that while it's easy to influence, it's even easier to be influenced by the wrong spirit. Thus, the moment I want to blog 'it' out, there will be a tendency for me to create another space somewhere else that is more 'private' in a sense. A place that fewer people will know about and look at. To me, that's a solution (or a compromise) to fulfill the 4 listed objectives of having put up a blog (2 blogs, to be exact). But even then, I still feel that there's a certain limit as to how much should be revealed in that 'private' blog, which access I allow to few closer friends. Humans are humans. We are all entitled to personal opinions and I respect that. But the last thing I'd want to see is to have immaturity come into play. Face it. We have immaturities in one area or another. Closer friends or further friends alike. I can't be assured that everyone who read my blogs can catch the heart behind my words. And I cannot bear the risk of someone who might not have the depth - YET - to understand what I'm going through. This is where I began to realize that blogging is such a terrible irony. Blogs are meant to connect people (consider the effect of placing yourself in the worldwide web), but sometimes we rather keep the blogs a secret and make it some sort of secret diary. To put it simply, the rationale of keeping 2 blogs has a lot to do with me putting myself in the shoes of my readers. It's my way of caring for the welfare of my readers, who are mostly personal friends. Just that now I'm going one step further - to make my 2nd blog really private. To me, I love sharing with people my daily encounters especially if it's something funny, fascinating or exciting. When I can't do that in real life, all the more I will think of sharing in my blog. I also love sharing my thoughts with my readers, for them to think about something that I feel is worth thinking about. Just that when it comes to sharing something totally unedifying, un-valuable and useless for that person, I'm cautious. I'll stop short of doing that. And this is who I am. I'm proud of myself that I actually manage to express my thoughts clearly on this one. It took a long time...but I think it's worth it just to help me learn how to voice out and straighten out a little part of my 1001 thoughts. But having said all that, I want to assure others and myself that blogging (both public and private) HELPS me. This means that 1) While I may complain and whine and talk about negative emotions and thoughts in my blog, even dwelling on them at times, it's never a platform for self-pity. You can have faith in me that I'm asking for help somewhere else in real life. God. My spiritual leaders. My parents. Or just someone I know I can really, really, really trust for that particular situation. Part of my maturity belong to this category. ;) 2) While I am keeping two blogs, it's not an act out of hypocrisy or the desire to control how others look at me. Please believe that it's nothing along that line. If after reading the above you are still in great doubt, then all I can say is that I'm sorry. I'm sorry that your doubting shows all the more that my decision to keep the second blog private is the right thing to do. 8:03 PM
I caught a good glimpse of it Got a good glimpse of how things should be. A time to encourage, a time to be encouraged. A time to comfort, a time to be comforted. A time to pray for others, a time to be prayed for. A time to impart, a time to receive impartation. A time to inspire, a time to be inspired. I thank God that He is always here for me. God is always just in time, but it's good enough for me. It's that assurance that when i'm at the valley, He is there to hold on to me. He heard my cry. It's just not the same to tell any random friend about what i went through if he/she can't lead me to the ultimate revelation in my current situation with the God factor. In the first place, I'm not even sure how am i supposed to relate everything as it is. Second, if i want to influence people, i will never choose to influence them in a negative way. Thirdly, to tell someone about it, i got to feel that if i tell him/her, he/she is fine with being disturbed. Nevertheless, i'm grateful to princess. I'm sorry if i dampened your spirits that day. But i enjoyed hanging out despite looking like a dead zombie...it's what i needed. Fresh air. =) . I caught hold of something valuable. I want to cling onto it. I know that's exactly what i need right now. Gotta go through reaffirmation. Confession. Thought-life. Ultimately, praying that it will transform to actions and fruitfulness. If God hasn't given up, then I'M NOT GIVING UP. Keep praying! Labels: prayer to God, revelation 1:01 AM
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