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Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Friendship 101 (part 1) I'm actually in the midst of doing my dissertation, I am feeling sorry for myself because I am still working towards half-goal only. When I say "mammoth task", it really is mammoth. Hope I can finish chapter 1-4 by this Sunday, 5 by Monday. Chapter 6-10 is I-really-don't-know-how-long-I-will-take. God help me! I wanted to take a pause to talk about friendships which I wanted to mention a week or two ago. FRIENDSHIP 101. Do I sound like a friendship guru? HAHA kidding. 2 kinds of Friendship - Love vs. Lust Yes, not just relationships. Friendships also have two categories in my opinion, and I also feel that marriage and friendships should be similar. You are in a lustful friendship when you are simply seeking to get. Get praises, get people to like you, get benefits, get privileges, get pleasure. You are in a loveful (if there's such a word, haha!) friendship when you are seeking to give. Of course, there must be a balance of giving and getting in every friendship. I'm not saying that we should keep giving until we are dry on the inside. What I'm saying is we should SEEK to give 100%, & we should NOT EXPECT to get anything in return. Case example #1 (loving in a friendship): I see that my friend is in need of help financially coz he/she is cash tight because of family circumstances. I decided to help this friend out by lending $. But I don't EXPECT he or she to do the same for me if one day I am the one facing a difficulty. BUT, he or she may do the same for me if he or she is willing to, out of a grateful heart for what I have done for him/her in the past. I don't take that repayment for granted, nor do I try to put pressure on him/her to do so. Such is an example of giving without expecting anything in return. The advantage of abiding by this principle? You get to find out who are your true friends. True friends remember favors and will strive to repay when an opportunity arises. You should make him/her part of your inner circle. Case example #2 (lusting in a friendship): Your friend is a very famous CEO of a company but the company failed and your friend is reduced to a pauper from a prince. You decide that he is no longer a prestigious friend in your "friend list" and thus u kick him out of your social circle. Case example #3 (lusting in a friendship): You found your this particular friend alot of fun to be with but after some time, he is no longer funny. You decided he is out of your social circle coz he is too boring. When obtaining pleasure, benefits, privileges, and praises is your number 1 priority, you are not a very sincere friend. I think alot of people are in this category, because once the friendship is no longer interesting, the friendship breaks down. Isn't friendship like a marriage relationship? When husband thinks there is no more sparks and chemistry with the wife, it instantly means divorce. Most people have this thinking. But the truth is, that is a manifestation of LUST! Divorce is not the best solution. This is my humble opinion and observation on the similiarities between friendships and marriage. Friendship is more than just enjoying the camaraderie and benefits of that friendship connection. If you truly love your friend, even in sickness or in health, in poverty or wealth, you will stand by that friend no matter what. Even if he has become not so funny, when the same jokes no longer tickle your funny bone anymore. He is still your friend at that level as to when you guys used to be. There are many levels in a friendship. You can claim he is still your friend, but in fact the love credits have been subtracted from the love bank and he maybe close to the category of stranger than a friend now. If he is a 100 points friend in the past, now he is only a 5 points friend. Then you know you are lusting in a friendship, not loving. Love is always "in spite of". Anyway, I believe it makes sense for friendship to be like a marriage because before you get married to someone, you choose him or her from your circle of friends right? And normally (I hope) people choose their spouses because him/her is first a good friend. Any healthy relationship should start off with a sincere, loving and giving heart. DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M WRITING HERE? I hope I am expressing myself correctly haha. Labels: friendship 101 8:18 PM
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